CrankMama: Pretty Is As Pretty Does

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09:10 AM in Pretty Is As Pretty Does | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

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'Me' Time in Milan?

Recently, reporter Lisa W. Foderaro wrote a piece for the New York Times about working moms who use business travel as an opportunity to find some 'me' time. Titled, "Working Mothers Find Some Peace on the Road," the opening paragraph begins thusly:

Before Lucia Skwarek, a portfolio manager and mother in New York City, gets on a plane bound for business in Moscow or Milan, there are not only meetings, but play dates to schedule. When she is done wooing investors for her hedge fund and parsing a pile of e-mail messages, though, Ms. Skwarek looks forward to a little “me” time.

As you might expect, the piece generated excoriating remarks as well as cries of recognition and support from working mothers everywhere. I found the article interesting, but I found the comments it evoked fascinating.

[Read on...]

10:19 AM in Pretty Is As Pretty Does | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

Now with 90% Less Fat...

Check out the new & improved CrankRoll:

GIRLS:

BOYS

09:46 AM in Pretty Is As Pretty Does | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

Phat Pants

Beauty and sexiness are in the eye of the beholder...to a point. After that point (Age 35? 3 children?) beauty becomes a smattering of courage, determination, counting vegetable servings, and illusion. Enter the category of garment I like to call the JeanGirdle....

Exhibited here:

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you are a lucky and blissfully unaware young and/or slim person... or you are much more spiritually evolved than I and have conquered the physical world and its smelly needs in favor of a higher plane (in which case you're not reading this.... you're in an ashram avoiding mirrors).

***
In other news, the blog world seems to be full of inside jokes and significant days of the week. One of those little traditions is the concept of the "meme" -- and if you know what that means, please enlighten us-- which is an opportunity for the blogger to talk even MORE about him/herself than usual.

So. You can blame her if you think this meme thing is solipsistic nonsense. Since she's a smartass tarty great writer and in my next life she's going to be my bitch, I'll oblige:

What Have You Done?

( x) Smoked a joint - once and I didn't like it
( ) Done cocaine - Nope
( x) Been in love - abso-fuckin-lutely (credit to 'Mr. Big')
( x) Had a threesome - yes. Me, him, and my fantasies and ghosts
( ) Been dumped - No.
( ) Shoplifted - No. I was totally straight and square until about 25.
( x) Been fired - Why, yes, and thank you for bringing up this subject
( ) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back - Not that I know of.
( ) Been arrested
( x) Made out with a stranger
( x) Gone on a blind date - that's how I met my hubs
(x ) Lied to a friend - yes, but then I confessed (long story)
(x ) Had a crush on a teacher - yes, yes, yes, I *heart* men in authority
( ) Seen someone die - nooooooooo
( x) Been to Europe - yes, with my first husband who was...(see below)
(x ) Been to Canada

( ) Thrown up in a bar - No
( ) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show - No
( ) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire - No
( ) Been snowboarding - No, but I really want to!
( ) Met a celebrity -
( x) Met someone from the Internet in person - my hubs
( ) Been moshing at a concert
( ) Gone backstage at a concert
(x ) Laid outside in the grass and watched cloud shapes go by - I love it
( x) Made a snow angel
( x) Flown a kite
( x) Cheated while playing a game
(x ) Been lonely - of course, of course where do you think I get my edgy wit?
(x ) Fallen asleep at work - all the time when pregs with twins
( ) Fallen asleep at school
(x ) Used a fake ID - yes and (typical me) got CAUGHT by the cops.
( ) Been kicked out of a bar
(x) Felt an earthquake - 2001 in Seattle while in an old municipal building -- ugh!!
( x) Touched a snake - no comment
( ) Read “War and Peace”
(x ) Slept beneath the stars - yes yes yes OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH YEEEESSSS!
( x) Been robbed
( x) Won a contest - I always win weird contests like "Name that Stuffed Pig & It's Yours"
( x) Run a red light - all the time
( ) Been suspended from school - I was a total straight over-achiever...
( ) Had braces
( x) Felt like an outcast
( ) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
( x) Had deja vu
( ) Totaled a car
( ) Stolen a car
( x) Hated the way you look - now I just look away and buy jeangirdles
( ) Witnessed a crime
(x ) Been to a strip club
( ) Been to the opposite side of the world
( ) Swam in the ocean
( ) Felt like dying
(x ) Cried yourself to sleep - yes... many times the first year I had the twins
( ) Sung karaoke
( ) Paid for a meal with only coins
(x ) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't - many many times...
( ) Made prank phone calls
( ) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( x) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x ) Had a bonfire on the beach
( ) Crashed a party
( ) Seen a tornado
( x) Had a wish come true --not telling
( x) Gone bungee jumping -- After my divorce with this super hot guy I wanted to impress... he was *so* hot..ahem... but I chickened out. Had to make it up to him in other ways...
( ) Gone parasailing
( x) Screamed in public - all the time
( ) Told a complete stranger you loved them
( x) Had a one night stand
( ) Kissed a mirror
( ) Had a dream that you married someone
( ) Gotten your fingers stuck together with super glue
( ) Been a cheerleader
(x ) Sat on a roof top
( ) Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight
( x) Stayed up all night - ummm... this IS a mommy blog, you know
( x) Not taken a shower for three days - see above
( ) Made contact with a ghost while playing a Ouija board
( x) Had more than 30 pairs of shoes at a time - More than 50
() Gone streaking
( x) Been skinny dipping - years ago when I looked good naked
( ) Been pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on
(x ) Had sex in a public or semi-public place - abso-fuckin-lutely
( ) Been kissed by a complete stranger
( ) Broken a bone
( ) Caught a butterfly
( x) Mooned/flashed someone
(x ) Had someone moon/flash you
( ) Cheated on a test
(x ) Forgotten someone's name - my children...every day
( x) Slept naked - again, with the silly questions...
( ) Gone white water rafting
( x) Seen the Grand Canyon - yes.. my bachelor uncle took 10 of us young cousins on a long -trip.. which ended with him in a home.. one of the stops was the GC. We rode on mules to the bottom... most pain other than childbirth I've ever experienced.

*** There. I did it. You happy now?***

07:17 AM in Pretty Is As Pretty Does | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBack (0)

Red

Is the color of many things --love, sex, my old living room, my favorite dress and shoes. Red is a lovely color to live by. It communicates sassiness, strength, and something mildly saucy and mysterious.

Red (ZING!!) is also now ever so literally the color of my hair.

When I met my hubs to discuss the critical state of the hair situation, he raised an interesting question.

Why is it that someone who might easily be termed "assertive" has trouble telling her beloved hairdresser that she hates her hair? Why can't she communicate that she's not pleased to look like Ronald, when really what she wanted was to look like Brigitte Bardot, or at the very least Fergie AFTER Weight Watchers?

My whiny retort "But I LOVE Patrick! He's the only good hairdresser I've found since Dominic quit to do hair shows around the globe..." sounded false even to my ears.

My daughter said it best. "Mommy I don't want you to look like that with your hair. You scare me."

I want the saucy, without the literal sauce.

Sigh. Don't we all.