CrankMama

Red Rover Red Rover

We have moved, so come over-- 

It's live, it's pretty, it's a nice place to visit

www.CrankMama.com

Please update your links, your subscriptions, your feeds, your drinks, your dresses and slacks...

And don't forget to check CM links to you to make sure they're right.

Reason 10,823 Why I Like You

Because you used to be this:

And now you're this:

And this:

I like you because I just do.

It's Time for a Man Basket When...

Here's a little tip from me to you.  Sometimes men are in need of extra special attention and loving care.  Sometimes they need it more than our kids and our girlfriends and the homeless guy on the street and our jobs and our mothers and everyone else clamoring for our love. The trouble is, they can't ask for it. 

Unlike us, they don't have a hatful of pals sitting around saying things to them like "You tell her SHE should cook dinner and watch the kids once in awhile and see how SHE likes it!" with a chorus of "Yeahs" backing them up.  At best, they get to watch sports and talk about cars and at times like these, even the newest Porsche magazine picture isn't bringing the joy it should.

Here are some helpful little hints that may indicate that the man in your life is in need of a LOVE TUNE UP:
 
1. Evidence Type: Conversational

You:  "I'm thinking we should have spaghetti for dinner.  What do you think?"
Him: "Speaking of sex, how about it?"
-----
You: "Are you mad at me about something?"
Him: *silence*
You: "Is something going on at work?"
Him: *sulk*
You: "C'mon, honey, you can talk to me."
Him: "It wouldn't hurt you to pay some attention to me once in awhile."
You: *guilty silence*

2. Evidence Type: Behavioral

Signs that the man in your life may need some extra attention include the following:

• poor wardrobe choices
• uneven sideburns
• wild nose hair, and/or
• extremely long morning showers coupled with uneven personal hygiene

Ratio of naps to awake time 2/1

Extended instant messaging conversations with people at work

3. Evidence Type: Fun.  Is He Having Any?

Actually, no evidence needed for this one.  We all know what he's like when he's not having any... fun.  He's cranky, doctrinaire, rigid about which knives go in which drawer, and a little more strict with the kids.

Here's where the man basket comes in.  You know ALL about the woman basket (the spa stuff, the scented soaps, the pretty expensive hair goo), but did you know that you can easily assemble a loving man basket that he'll truly adore?

Here are some suggested items:

• Ticket to any man movie of his choosing (no matter how gorey, violent, or odd)
• An esoteric expensive tool or high tech item for his IPod
• A certificate for an overnight at a hotel with any other little promises you'd like to include
• A few Sundays to himself to do anything he wants
• Did I mention free time?

Operation Man Basket is starting in earnest at the CrankMama homestead so I'll keep you posted...

Men at Blogher?? YES!!

Ok Ladies & Gents,

I'm officially kicking off a Campaign for Kevin to Attend Blogher 2007... You know THAT Kevin.

The one who everyone nominates for awards

And if you don't know him, you should meet him.  He's funny.  And he hardly EVER talks about kids. It's refreshing and good for a mommy hangover. 

So, folks, let's do it.  Let's get him there.

And if you have anyone else you'd love to see at Blogher 07, send me an email or post a comment here.

This will be fun!!!!

Bring Me The Higher Love

Sometimes I feel like I'm caught between the sacred and the mundane.  I live in the netherworld of swearing spiritualists, nicey nice mean mommies, workaholic flex timers, and abstinent imbibers.  Lolling between worlds provides the usual noncommittal joys (you can observe but never fall straight into the void because you aren't, well, committed to being there) and occasional respite from the intensity of feelings suffered by the many living inside the chaos.

I sat with V in my lap this morning smelling her head and watching the twins wrestle around the living room as they waited for their Dad to pick them up for an overnight.  I was filled with the usual combination of leaping and joyful freedom dancing and sobby bittersweet missing and loss. 

I smiled and imagined a wonderful evening away from the chores and the children.   He and I dancing around a candle-lit room, me ravishing in heels and a pretty red dress, him adoring and stunned by my beauty gently guiding me around the floor while the violins played and champagne flutes clinked with toasts of love...

"MOMMY!!!  You look weird!!  Stop doing that!"

See?

The Peace of Wild Things

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief.  I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light.  For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

-Wendell Berry

Have I Ever Told You About Belliingham?

Despite the population of my fair city (nearly 72,000), I'm evidently not living anywhere near the clever legions of bloggers meeting up hither and thither and making real friendships around the globe.  They are apparently all running around having fun lunches, meeting for kidless, husbandless drinks, and making new friends at kid birthday parties.

Clearly, I haven't properly sold you on the joys and beauties to behold in Bellingham.

First, where is Bellingham, WA?                    

Bellingham is only an hour South of the Canadian Border (only 90 minutes from cosmopolitand & exciting Vancouver, British Columbia).  And 90 minutes North of trendy and PC Seattle (you know, the place with the grunge music and pretty skyline).

Second, what does a person do for fun in Bellingham?

Our visitor's bureau says it best:

"We are known for our friendly people, authentic communities, cultural attractions and a clean environment. Adventures from the relaxing to the exhilarating are yours, all in a setting of stunning beauty."

You read it here.  Adventures.  Relaxing AND exhilarating.

And if sailboats and gorgeous lakes, rivers, and mountains aren't your thing, how about fabulous local music?

Prefer drinks overlooking the gorgeous bay?  How about this?

Or, there's always hippie watching in our gorgeous Fairhaven District.

See?

Bellingham + CrankMama = FUNNNNNNN

Barring this, perhaps we can meet at Blogher 07 (the one in Chicago).

***

P.S. Emma is coming to see me in January -- woo hoo!!

Mothers Like Us, Part II

My blogger friend Emma is a fabulous, sassy writer, with plenty of unconventional ideas about motherhood (which is one of the reasons I love her).  Her post today is about women who do not follow the usual rules about mothering...

Women, it is often assumed, are naturally filled with the gentle, non-swearing, huggy ingredients necessary to cook up a wee babe and raise him/her through cranky teen years and into sunny adulthood.  Nevermind that this generation of women has likely gotten closer to a car engine than to a baby by the time they procreate.  Nevermind that many of us were encouraged in our tomboy, individualistic pursuits more than in our cookie-baking, tear-wiping, band-aid applying skills.

Leaving aside questions of nurture, what about questions of nature?  Are women naturally softer, gentler, more loving, more gifted with children?  Those of us interested in the truth about mothering know this simply isn't true.  Even for those of us who may be more maternally inclined than our husbands, we still fall quite short of the 1950s June Cleaver ideal.

Women can be tough and selfish and need a drink and a cigar.  Men can be soft and loving and in-love with their children and long to spend more time at home with little Billy.  These are not radical ideas.  At least until one trolls around in the world of mainstream motherhood where the old rules, while not usually practised, are still much lauded and imitated. 

Though it is now socially acceptable for women to complain about motherhood and childrearing, albeit in a light and unserious fashion (though adoptive mothers are not given the same leeway), it remains taboo for that same woman to admit that raising children makes her unhappy.

The truth for me lies somewhere in the middle.  On a deep level I love my children and enjoy their company.  But on days like today, when the City of Bellingham is closed due to a 10-year snow storm, and the panic sets in as I realize I'm going to be trapped here alone with the kids without even a car-ride to break the monotony, I realize there is a part of Tamara in me too.

On the other hand, have you ever seen such a cute little girl in a snowsuit? 

Failure to Flourish: Don't Suffer Alone

During the holidays, many mothers silently suffer from an illness called "Failure to Flourish."  This condition has the ability to transform a lighthearted sexy girlfriend into a mean old bag of a wife and mommy. 

"I don't understand what has happened.  My wife used to be darling and adoring.  She used to wear makeup and heels and shower daily.  Now she doesn't even appreciate that I do the dishes THREE times a week!"  wailed one forlorn and confused husband of a woman suffering from FTF. 

"Many women feel secretly angry and despairing over their tiring and unglamorous lives.  They find themselves envying their relaxed empty-nester counterparts, having unexplained fits of rage when people talk about Paris, and losing the ability to act cheerful for more than 30 seconds," declared Dr. Rosie Rueful, principal researcher for the Angry Woman Institute. "By shedding light on Failure to Flourish, we hope women everywhere can get the help they need."

Signs that you or the woman you love may be suffering from Failure to Flourish:

• disinterest in her surroundings
• avoidance of eye contact
• irritability
• failure to reach developmental milestones like learning to balance meals, talking in a non-high baby voice, or matching socks
• infrequent showering and bathing
• unexplained anger at others who are cheerful and hoo hoo

Treatment options vary according to the seriousness of the condition, but can include:

• a day at the spa
• a date night with girlfriends who are not allowed to discuss anything domestic, especially their children
• a day alone in bed with a good book and a romantic comedy starring a hunky 20-something
• a meandering walk through the neighborhood alone, to take in the fresh air and non-talking beauty of nature, and, if after-dark, a peek into the disturbing lives of one's neighbors.
• heavy medication

If you find you may be suffering from this condition, please don't suffer alone.  Get help immediately by calling our Mommy Is Going To a Home Hot Line (1-888-Is-This-All-There-Is?), where helpful and decidedly uncheery volunteers are standing by to listen to your legion of real complaints...

Of Gems & Dresses

Fathers, those underappreciated of the parental persuasion, often have a sneaky way of being darling.  Witness this recent email from my Dad:

Thanks for calling today.. I really enjoyed hearing from you. You always have something interesting to say. You're fun.

Love,

Dad

***
In other news, CrankMama will soon be wearing a pretty new dress, with a matching web address and pearls...

www.crankmama.com

Here's a sneak peak: